We preachers need to listen more to our own words. I've always preached the importance of self care. If we who care for the needs of others, do not care for our own needs, we will not be able to care well for anyone. I've always tried to teach others the importance of self care - that it's not selfish to put time for ourselves on our "to do" list.
This past week was "one of those weeks." Some of the week was made of those out of the ordinary things - that happens sometimes in ministry. But for the most part, the things scheduled into my week were of my own doing. Good things - connectional, relational things - things that were part of my effort to build relationship with the people of Christ Church and the community -- in addition to the usual things I do every week in ministry - sermon prep, Bible study, visitation, counseling, staff meetings, etc.
I guess it started 2 weeks ago, when I had my first wedding in Christ Church. What that means is that between September 16 and September 29, I did not have a day off. Fourteen days with no real "down time." I had a little last Sunday when my husband Steve insisted that we go to Chautauqua Institution for the quilt show and he whisked me away after church. But let's face it - Sunday for preachers is NOT a day off, nor our sabbath rest time.
Yesterday was my first real day off in 2 full weeks. Yesterday, I arranged to meet our daughter during her lunch break from work so that we could have lunch together - just the two of us. As I was driving there, I passed Niagara Village Senior Community Center on Zuck Road and it hit me. I had forgotten to go there Thursday at 4 p.m. to lead the worship service that I had agreed to lead. My heart dropped - I felt terrible. How could I have forgotten? It was on my calendar - I was simply on overload and when I came home from hospital visits it never entered my mind to go there. I'll need to call and apologize, and I'm sure they'll understand, but I HATE to miss something - it feels like failure. And, I'll have to eat a little humble pie, because I've been teasing a staff member about missing a meeting earlier this month, even though it was in their planner.
Now, I know the truth - I'm only human and it was one of those things. I know God forgives me and the staff at Niagara Village will most likely forgive me, too. But the question now remains - will I be able to forgive myself?
As followers of Christ, we know our sins are forgiven and most of us try to obey what Jesus taught - to forgive others as we have been forgiven. Why is it we find that we have the hardest time forgiving ourselves? Why is it that we fail to realize that God wants us to forgive ourselves as God has forgiven us - completely and freely. Why do we find it so hard to include ourselves in that list of those whom we need to forgive?
This little incident reminds me that I ought to "practice what I preach." So today I enjoyed a lot more free time. There were things I "should" have been doing - work for the church that I know needs done and that I don't want to get too far behind on. But instead, today I spent some time unpacking some more boxes and settling into our new home - things I'd been putting off because I have been "too busy" for that - and a little resentful that the time's not been there. I took a deep breath and relaxed a bit today. And I took a look at my calendar - a long, hard look and scheduled spaces where there's some "me" time -- some time when I set aside all the things I have "to do" and find spaces where I can just be, in order to refresh my mind, body and spirit.
So, if you know someone who's not taking care of themselves - don't be afraid to "butt in" and remind them that God wants them to care for themselves as well as they care for others. Don't think you'll be butting into their business if you remind them to take some time for themselves -- those of us who need it, will welcome the reminder.
By God's Grace,
Michelle
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
The Least, The Last, The Lost
What a busy week this has been! (haven't I sung that tune before on this blog?) It was busy with some "extra" things. One of the extra things was a tour of the Erie United Methodist Alliance for new pastor's in the Erie-Meadville District.
I've heard of the "Erie Alliance" for at least a dozen years. If you had asked me what they did before Tuesday of this past week, I would've said, "They help the poor." And the truth is that they do help the poor, but that's too broad a statement for the ministries in which our Erie U.M. Alliance is engaged.
They help a variety of categories of people who happen to be poor and in a variety of ways. They help homeless veterans at Liberty House. We met and toured Liberty House with Devin, the supervisor of the house. In the paraphrased words of Devin, "These men need help with clothes, food, housing and jobs, but more than anything they need to be made whole from the inside out. That's God's work and we're here to help that happen. God is in this thing."
Another category of people are the underemployed, or the working poor. Those who have a job or jobs, but work at such a low rate of pay, they can't provide like they need or want to for their families. They provide temporary housing and emergency shelter for families. In fact, The Refuge is the only emergency shelter in Erie County who will allow single fathers with children to remain together - other shelters make the fathers separate from their children, even if the father is the only parent to care for them.
There is work with those who are homeless and living on the streets. The stories of God's grace at work through the labors of the Erie U.M. Alliance to help bring wholeness into the lives of the homeless and the poor brought me to tears. The point is - by God's grace and the willingness of people to engage with those whom the world would throw away means that lives are being changed.
I'm always fascinated that when things keep coming at me in various ways. My visit to the ministries of the Erie U.M. Alliance coincides with a website our pastoral assistant Roger pointed out to me. A website by a local business owner here in Erie. One of his blog entries is his concern with those who loiter around their building "up to no good, urinating on our building and in Griswold Park, attempting to rummage through the cars in our parking lots, etc." The picture he shows may be homeless men or perhaps just those who are unemployed. The blog asks for help for this problem.
I understand his dilemma, I really do. I do not think anyone should be allowed to break the law by being "up to no good," urinating in public, or rummaging in cars not their own." I understand that the view is probably not good for business. I guess my concern is not his cry for help, rather the comments of response to his blog. The responses include sarcasm, blame of the persons and the government for "allowing people not to work and get free benefits," and suggestions like "move out the free meals for parasites and problems like this will leave with them." One entry gives a few suggestions and the results, one of which is "you would not have to look at these people during your day."
Not having to "look at these people" would certainly make our lives easier. I don't offer any easy solution - because there are none. And the feeding programs in the city and providing temporary housing does not solve all real problems in people's lives. And the truth is that there are a portion of people who are homeless who do not want help -- or those who are underemployed are in family cycle of dependence on agency help.
I guess what troubles me most about the negative posts that I read was the quick tendency to not see these people as children of God. The blame and judgmental tone of some of the posts was troubling because there was no ability or willingness to see Jesus in these people.
I remember a story our son Craig told us about a man who lives in Oakland - Craig met him while in college a few years ago. I've forgotten his name, but he can always be seen on the streets of Oakland in front of the stores with a cup held out for donations. He's not homeless - he lives in an apartment, which I'm sure is substandard housing. He has no job, although it appears he can work. For whatever reason(s) this man has learned to make his living on the hand-outs of others.
Craig told us that every time he passed him, he would offer to take him for a meal, and talked with him a while. When Craig told us this, my motherly response was, "You do what? Is that safe?" I admit, not a very Christ-like response, but in all honesty, a concerned mother's response. Craig said to me, "Mom, he's not dangerous. And I wouldn't give him money because I'm pretty sure he'd get drunk on it. So I give him a meal - that way I know he gets to eat."
It's not easy to look upon those who are unclean, unkempt and maybe some who are a little unsavory. And there's some truth that there are those who don't want help or have become co-dependent on social agencies or the church. But we'll never have the opportunity to be a part of God's transformational power if we ignore them or push them out of the area so we don't have to look at them.
In our annual conference, we are struggling to deal with poverty. The Poverty Strategy Team, formed as part of our Believe Again! Plan for Ministry, has scheduled 3 Poverty Simulations in Western PA. The first will be Nov. 4 from 3-6 p.m. at South Avenue UMC in Wilkinsburg. The simulations are 2 hours long, followed by a talk-back session, a light meal and a brief worship. There are 2 other simulations planned - March 1, 2008 in Meadville and April 13, 2008 in Indiana. You can read more about the project here: http://www.wpaumc-files.org/Interlink%20Archives/2007-09-28interlink.pdf
Oh, and by the way - God's grace is longing to change those whose hearts are hardened and those who sound judgmental and harsh - let's not write them off, either!
By God's Grace,
Michelle
I've heard of the "Erie Alliance" for at least a dozen years. If you had asked me what they did before Tuesday of this past week, I would've said, "They help the poor." And the truth is that they do help the poor, but that's too broad a statement for the ministries in which our Erie U.M. Alliance is engaged.
They help a variety of categories of people who happen to be poor and in a variety of ways. They help homeless veterans at Liberty House. We met and toured Liberty House with Devin, the supervisor of the house. In the paraphrased words of Devin, "These men need help with clothes, food, housing and jobs, but more than anything they need to be made whole from the inside out. That's God's work and we're here to help that happen. God is in this thing."
Another category of people are the underemployed, or the working poor. Those who have a job or jobs, but work at such a low rate of pay, they can't provide like they need or want to for their families. They provide temporary housing and emergency shelter for families. In fact, The Refuge is the only emergency shelter in Erie County who will allow single fathers with children to remain together - other shelters make the fathers separate from their children, even if the father is the only parent to care for them.
There is work with those who are homeless and living on the streets. The stories of God's grace at work through the labors of the Erie U.M. Alliance to help bring wholeness into the lives of the homeless and the poor brought me to tears. The point is - by God's grace and the willingness of people to engage with those whom the world would throw away means that lives are being changed.
I'm always fascinated that when things keep coming at me in various ways. My visit to the ministries of the Erie U.M. Alliance coincides with a website our pastoral assistant Roger pointed out to me. A website by a local business owner here in Erie. One of his blog entries is his concern with those who loiter around their building "up to no good, urinating on our building and in Griswold Park, attempting to rummage through the cars in our parking lots, etc." The picture he shows may be homeless men or perhaps just those who are unemployed. The blog asks for help for this problem.
I understand his dilemma, I really do. I do not think anyone should be allowed to break the law by being "up to no good," urinating in public, or rummaging in cars not their own." I understand that the view is probably not good for business. I guess my concern is not his cry for help, rather the comments of response to his blog. The responses include sarcasm, blame of the persons and the government for "allowing people not to work and get free benefits," and suggestions like "move out the free meals for parasites and problems like this will leave with them." One entry gives a few suggestions and the results, one of which is "you would not have to look at these people during your day."
Not having to "look at these people" would certainly make our lives easier. I don't offer any easy solution - because there are none. And the feeding programs in the city and providing temporary housing does not solve all real problems in people's lives. And the truth is that there are a portion of people who are homeless who do not want help -- or those who are underemployed are in family cycle of dependence on agency help.
I guess what troubles me most about the negative posts that I read was the quick tendency to not see these people as children of God. The blame and judgmental tone of some of the posts was troubling because there was no ability or willingness to see Jesus in these people.
I remember a story our son Craig told us about a man who lives in Oakland - Craig met him while in college a few years ago. I've forgotten his name, but he can always be seen on the streets of Oakland in front of the stores with a cup held out for donations. He's not homeless - he lives in an apartment, which I'm sure is substandard housing. He has no job, although it appears he can work. For whatever reason(s) this man has learned to make his living on the hand-outs of others.
Craig told us that every time he passed him, he would offer to take him for a meal, and talked with him a while. When Craig told us this, my motherly response was, "You do what? Is that safe?" I admit, not a very Christ-like response, but in all honesty, a concerned mother's response. Craig said to me, "Mom, he's not dangerous. And I wouldn't give him money because I'm pretty sure he'd get drunk on it. So I give him a meal - that way I know he gets to eat."
It's not easy to look upon those who are unclean, unkempt and maybe some who are a little unsavory. And there's some truth that there are those who don't want help or have become co-dependent on social agencies or the church. But we'll never have the opportunity to be a part of God's transformational power if we ignore them or push them out of the area so we don't have to look at them.
In our annual conference, we are struggling to deal with poverty. The Poverty Strategy Team, formed as part of our Believe Again! Plan for Ministry, has scheduled 3 Poverty Simulations in Western PA. The first will be Nov. 4 from 3-6 p.m. at South Avenue UMC in Wilkinsburg. The simulations are 2 hours long, followed by a talk-back session, a light meal and a brief worship. There are 2 other simulations planned - March 1, 2008 in Meadville and April 13, 2008 in Indiana. You can read more about the project here: http://www.wpaumc-files.org/Interlink%20Archives/2007-09-28interlink.pdf
Oh, and by the way - God's grace is longing to change those whose hearts are hardened and those who sound judgmental and harsh - let's not write them off, either!
By God's Grace,
Michelle
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Even Though...
Well, it has been far too long since I have "blogged." It has been a whirlwind of activity in the Wobrak Family. For the past few weeks we've been immersed in wedding plans. We have a new family member whom we love dearly - our daughter-in-law Meghan. She and our son Craig married on September 1, 2007. What a beautiful day, filled with joy and music and good food and blessings all around. However - I must share that the joy of that day was preceded by a deep sorrow with the death of Meghan's father 4 days before the wedding. His service of death and resurrection was held Friday morning...18 hours before their wedding.
Michael has been ill for 22 years, having been diagnosed with an inoperable malignant brain tumor when Meghan was 3 weeks old. His health has progressively declined over the past 22 years. Michael was a tremendously gifted poet, author, director of plays, English teacher (beloved by all of his students)and greatly loved by his family. In our son's words, "Michael was a good man." As his pastor said at his funeral, "How incredibly frustrating it must have been for Michael to have such a torrent of creativity and ability funneled into a smaller and smaller opening."
As we stayed in touch with Craig in the 2 weeks before Michael's death, mostly via text messages on our cell phones and some phone calls, my heart was aching for this young man who will in part always be "my baby boy." Each brief text message keeping us apprised of Michael's ever-loosening grip on life made me want to run to Greensburg and gather up Craig in my arms and comfort him. As I watched him at the funeral, sitting where he belonged, next to his wife-to-be in the front row, my heart was breaking.
My heart was breaking for Meghan's mother, a woman who has for all but the first 4 years of their marriage, watched the steady decline of her husband, caring for him with unbelievable patience and strength. My heart was breaking for Meghan, a lovely young woman who had only known her father when he was ill. Now, for one of the most important and life-changing days of her life, he would not be with her in the traditional way to walk his little girl down the aisle. And my heart was breaking for my son, grown to be a man, sitting in the front row of a funeral for his future-father-in-law on the day before his wedding. It took every bit of my strength to not run up front and take his hand, hold it like I used to do to make sure he would safely cross the street. But I couldn't...I couldn't protect him from this. He had to walk through this shadowed valley without "his mommy" holding his hand.
One of my colleagues officiated at the funeral. John was my District Superintendent in my first full-time appointment out of seminary. John always spoke words of wisdom to me and helped me grow in tremendous ways under his leadership. I was comforted knowing that he not only knew the O'Halloran family but also our family. As he spoke beautiful words of God's grace, the peace in my heart grew. But the most evident moment of God's grace was when John spoke these words. "Let's not forget there's a wedding tomorrow. Whenever I visited Michael's room, your (Craig's & Meghan's) pictures were in his room. He glowed when he spoke about you. Meghan, he always mourned the fact that he could not be the father to you he wanted to be and that he felt you deserved. I used to say that people would hang on to make it through an event like tomorrow. I need to revise that. I believe Michael let go, handing you off to Craig, knowing you were in good hands. His gift to you all is that he is released from his suffering. You are doing the right thing going through with this wedding. He would be the last person to hold you back one more time. You're doing the right thing." He then looked at Craig and said, "So, Craig, the pressure's on, buddy." Everyone laughed and Craig answered, "I know it is!" And my broken heart began to mend.
We left that worship service (yes, we worshiped God in that service), celebrating the life of Michael O'Halloran, and by God's grace were filled with peace, released from our sorrow to enter into the next day with rejoicing. Remember what the psalmist prays - "Yea, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4, KJV) Even though...words of grace...words of faith...even though.
That's what faith in God means -- even though. Even though...You are with me. Even though...You give me comfort. Even though...You remove the fear. Even though...You guide me through the darkness to the light of your eternal grace. Even though.
A member of Christ Church loaned me a book today, knowing I am teaching a class on the Psalms. The book is "Psalms/Now" by Leslie F. Brandt. Listen to how the author paraphrases Psalm 23:
The Lord is my constant companion. There is no need that he cannot fulfill.
Whether his course for me points to the mountaintops of glorious ecstasy or to the valleys of human suffering,he is by my side, he is ever present with me. He is close beside me when I tread the dark streets of danger, and even when I flirt with death itself, he will not leave me. When the pain is severe, he is near to comfort.
When the burden is heavy, he is there to lean upon. When depression darkens my soul, he touches me with eternal joy. When I feel empty and alone, he fills the aching vacuum with his power. My security is God's promise to be near me always,
and in the knowledge that God will never let me go.
Amen and Amen!
By God's Grace,
Michelle
Michael has been ill for 22 years, having been diagnosed with an inoperable malignant brain tumor when Meghan was 3 weeks old. His health has progressively declined over the past 22 years. Michael was a tremendously gifted poet, author, director of plays, English teacher (beloved by all of his students)and greatly loved by his family. In our son's words, "Michael was a good man." As his pastor said at his funeral, "How incredibly frustrating it must have been for Michael to have such a torrent of creativity and ability funneled into a smaller and smaller opening."
As we stayed in touch with Craig in the 2 weeks before Michael's death, mostly via text messages on our cell phones and some phone calls, my heart was aching for this young man who will in part always be "my baby boy." Each brief text message keeping us apprised of Michael's ever-loosening grip on life made me want to run to Greensburg and gather up Craig in my arms and comfort him. As I watched him at the funeral, sitting where he belonged, next to his wife-to-be in the front row, my heart was breaking.
My heart was breaking for Meghan's mother, a woman who has for all but the first 4 years of their marriage, watched the steady decline of her husband, caring for him with unbelievable patience and strength. My heart was breaking for Meghan, a lovely young woman who had only known her father when he was ill. Now, for one of the most important and life-changing days of her life, he would not be with her in the traditional way to walk his little girl down the aisle. And my heart was breaking for my son, grown to be a man, sitting in the front row of a funeral for his future-father-in-law on the day before his wedding. It took every bit of my strength to not run up front and take his hand, hold it like I used to do to make sure he would safely cross the street. But I couldn't...I couldn't protect him from this. He had to walk through this shadowed valley without "his mommy" holding his hand.
One of my colleagues officiated at the funeral. John was my District Superintendent in my first full-time appointment out of seminary. John always spoke words of wisdom to me and helped me grow in tremendous ways under his leadership. I was comforted knowing that he not only knew the O'Halloran family but also our family. As he spoke beautiful words of God's grace, the peace in my heart grew. But the most evident moment of God's grace was when John spoke these words. "Let's not forget there's a wedding tomorrow. Whenever I visited Michael's room, your (Craig's & Meghan's) pictures were in his room. He glowed when he spoke about you. Meghan, he always mourned the fact that he could not be the father to you he wanted to be and that he felt you deserved. I used to say that people would hang on to make it through an event like tomorrow. I need to revise that. I believe Michael let go, handing you off to Craig, knowing you were in good hands. His gift to you all is that he is released from his suffering. You are doing the right thing going through with this wedding. He would be the last person to hold you back one more time. You're doing the right thing." He then looked at Craig and said, "So, Craig, the pressure's on, buddy." Everyone laughed and Craig answered, "I know it is!" And my broken heart began to mend.
We left that worship service (yes, we worshiped God in that service), celebrating the life of Michael O'Halloran, and by God's grace were filled with peace, released from our sorrow to enter into the next day with rejoicing. Remember what the psalmist prays - "Yea, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4, KJV) Even though...words of grace...words of faith...even though.
That's what faith in God means -- even though. Even though...You are with me. Even though...You give me comfort. Even though...You remove the fear. Even though...You guide me through the darkness to the light of your eternal grace. Even though.
A member of Christ Church loaned me a book today, knowing I am teaching a class on the Psalms. The book is "Psalms/Now" by Leslie F. Brandt. Listen to how the author paraphrases Psalm 23:
The Lord is my constant companion. There is no need that he cannot fulfill.
Whether his course for me points to the mountaintops of glorious ecstasy or to the valleys of human suffering,he is by my side, he is ever present with me. He is close beside me when I tread the dark streets of danger, and even when I flirt with death itself, he will not leave me. When the pain is severe, he is near to comfort.
When the burden is heavy, he is there to lean upon. When depression darkens my soul, he touches me with eternal joy. When I feel empty and alone, he fills the aching vacuum with his power. My security is God's promise to be near me always,
and in the knowledge that God will never let me go.
Amen and Amen!
By God's Grace,
Michelle
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