A Tribute to My Father

Yesterday was Veteran's Day and I thought a lot about my father - Elmer Clayton Stewart. He died in 1994, at the age of 71. He grew up poor through the Great Depression. His mother died from tuberculosis when he was only 12-years-old, something which devastated him. Two years later, his brother - who was his best friend - died of the same disease. And he fought in World War 2, Army Infantry, 99th Division, 395th Battalion, Company L - he saw hard battle, especially during the Battle of the Bulge.

If you know anything about the Battle of the Bulge, it was a hard fought battle during the winter of 1944 primarily in the Ardennes Mountains of Germany. When the Allied forces won this battle, it was a turning point in ending World War 2. Now, I'm not an advocate of war, but I'm not a pure pacifist, either. I mostly ascribe to the Just War Theory. (To read more about Just War Theory - check this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_war).

I'd never say I'm in favor of war. But I'm very proud of my father's service to his country. I'm proud that my father selflessly sacrificed much to protect the world from a very clear and present danger. My father enlisted as a 19-year-old. He married my mother when he was 20 (she was 18) - 2 teenagers (basically) who started life apart for most of the first 3 years of their marriage. They were married on May 18, 1943. By the time he shipped out for Europe, my mother was pregnant with my sister. He left her behind not knowing if he'd ever see her again or ever see his unborn child. And unlike today, there were no emails to stay in touch with families.

My mother went for nearly 2 years not hearing much from my father - not knowing if he was dead or alive. He was in the battlefield, enduring one of the bloodiest battles of World War 2 - wounded twice and spending time in an England Hospital before returning home - mostly for battle fatigue. It was called shell shock in World War 1 and now called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In World War 2 there was little treatment - just R & R -- Rest and Relaxation in a hospital ward while supposedly with time his mind and emotions healed.

My father never spoke much of his service - partly because he was a private man and partly because he couldn't bear the pain he had buried. Besides the horrors on the battlefield, part of the duty of his unit was to liberate P.O.W. camps - a horrendous task, considering how badly these prisoners of war had been tortured and starved. My father sacrificed much for the safety of the world. It changed who he was - I am firmly convinced that my father suffered for the rest of his life from that war. He wasn't diagnosed, but I suspect he struggled with depression. He drank too much - I think to numb the pain.

And while he suffered from what he had endured, I never heard my father whine or complain about what he had endured. He didn't blame the president or the government or even the Germans. He did what he felt was necessary at a time when the world was under attack. He flew the American flag in our front yard. I'm proud of my father.

I don't know if I ever told him, though. I don't remember ever thanking him for being brave. It wasn't easy to talk to about things like that with my dad. He would have thought that was too "mushy." He only said, "I love you," to me one time - but I knew always that he did love me. I only saw him cry one time - when he thought my mother was dying from peritonitis. I was 12-years-old at the time - the same age he was when his mother died. He never said so, but now I wonder if that was going through his mind - but he would never say.

I miss my father very much. And while I don't think I could have expressed to him my pride in his service to his country or thank him for being brave or struggling to keep it together for his family - I hope now he knows. And by the way - Tom Brokaw is right - they are the Greatest Generation.

By God's Grace,
Michelle

It's Here!

This morning I woke up to the first winter storm of the season here in Erie. Since we've moved here in July, everyone has said, "You've never seen an Erie winter. Just you wait!" So here we are, the beginning of winter weather here in beautiful Erie, Pennsylvania!

It started last yesterday. Rainy, dreary, cold, windy -- then the hail storm yesterday afternoon. And this morning - everything was white with snow - and it was cold and windy. Okay, it wasn't as bad as this picture - this was sent to me by a friend when he heard of my appointment to Christ Church titled, "Ministry in Erie." (Thanks, Keith!)

Our dogs, 2 miniature dachshunds, were NOT very happy about having to brave the wind whipping their long ears, slogging through the wet snow and slush - especially since they are so very low to the ground!


I was not very happy about slogging through the slush, either - and the wind whipping wet snow in my face wasn't very pleasant. And I had made several appointments to visit folks this afternoon, which meant I would be driving on this delightful day!

I must confess - it was a much more tempting thought to stay in the house, wrap up in a warm afghan with a cup of hot tea, and intermittently read, nap and watch the snow swirl around the window. I'm sure it would have been much more beautiful from that vantage point.

Right now we're under a "Lake Effect Snow Advisory" until 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. The wind is whipping wildly, the sleet is pelting the window and just think - there's more of this to come! Ah, well - all part of the bliss of living in Western Pennsylvania - which honestly, I would not trade for anything in the world.

So I invite you to pull up a chair, grab a hot cup of tea (or coffee, hot chocolate or cider), and ponder these words, one of my favorite poems, that I fell in love with as a child, with woods in my own backyard:

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
by Robert Frost (1923)
Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound's the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

Give thanks to God for every day - even winters in Erie!

By God's Grace,

Michelle

Birthday Blessings

Yesterday was my birthday and this entire week has been a blessing. On Wednesday, the staff at Christ Church threw me a surprise brunch. They even got my husband Steve in on it. Although, poor guy, he doesn't lie very well -- which is good, but not when you're in on a surprise party. Then the next day, both Thursday Bible study groups surprised me with a cake. Then there were the many cards and emails from folks at Christ Church wishing me a happy birthday. Cards came from friends in the mail. My son Craig even remembered to call from Greensburg! (I love him, but he sometimes forgets or needs a reminder).

This is the first birthday in a long time that so many people remembered my birthday. What a blessing to be cared for by so many people. I've only been here at Christ Church for 4 months, but feel so comfortable and at home. It was so good to sit around the table with our staff and just talk, laugh and eat together. Usually we gather round that table for staff meetings, but how wonderful it was to simply gather round for fellowship.

Jesus often "sat at table" with people. In fact he got in trouble for hanging out with drunks & gluttons. There's something about sitting down to share a meal and conversation. You grow closer to people. That's why it's so important for families to sit down together for meals. You get to let your hair down and be yourself, no pressure to get any "business" done, just get to know each other better and to connect in relationship with one another outside of our "official" relationships. What a joy!

So I'm grateful to God for the day of my birth and for the many people who have been and are a part of my life. I'm very grateful that God has put me in such a great church as Christ Church. IHow much fun it is, and how vital, to break bread together.

By God's Grace,

Michelle

Rhythms of Nature

I know, I know, it's been a while since I've blogged. I wish I didn't sing the same song again and again, but I have indeed been very busy. Last week I spent a few days at Olmsted Manor with a group of other U. M. clergy who are part of a 3-year Pastor's Stewardship Academy. We're in the beginning of our third and final year. By the way, if you're not aware of this gem we have here in Western PA, part of our Western PA Conference in The United Methodist Church - here's a link: Welcome to Olmsted Manor .

I carpooled with a colleague and friend of mine. As we set out on our 2 hour journey to Olmsted Manor, his father was with us - he was dropping his father off, back to his home. As we drove the country roads to this man's home, he talked a lot about what was going on around us, most of it doing with the rhythms of nature. Since he's been a farmer all of his life, he knew these rhythms well.

He talked about seeing a male turkey strutting in a field with a flock of female turkeys and said, "That's unusual to see a turkey strutting with the hens this time of year." Or as he talked about hunting, he spoke of knowing when to find certain kinds of animals, where they hid, how they could be spotted and flushing them out into the open. He spoke of seeing the same turkey in the same spot over the course of several seasons - no one could get him, seems as though he had figured out what were real hens and what were hunters' calls. He also spoke about the fields of various crops, how he was in the process of clearing the last plants, finding a few butternut squashes he had missed in the last crop of the field. He spoke of the different kinds of wheat and beans, how the weather this year had been good or bad for those crops.

As he continued speaking, I watched out the windows at the empty fields, the beautiful flashes of brilliant fall leaves on the trees, and flocks of turkeys and even seagulls in the fields, my heart began yearning for the ability to know the rhythms of nature as he does.

For the most part, my days are not often predictable. There are those certain things I can depend on - the meetings on Monday's, staff meetings on Wednesday's, Bible study and hospital visits on Thursday, etc. Despite this, I find it difficult to maintain a rhythm to my life. I'm not talking about the usual unexpected interruptions that come with pastoral ministry - the crisis in a person's life, a death, a drop-by visit with the words, "Can I talk with you pastor?" I'm talking about a certain rhythm and balance to my days and life.

I struggle to find time each day for work, rest and play. Well, that's not exactly right - I find PLENTY of time every day that I devote to work. And while I love my work in ministry, I also love spending time with my family, I love pursuing my hobbies, and I love enjoying time with my friends. Why is it I can't find the balance of prayer, meditation, sabbath rest, work, fun, family and friends. Why is it so difficult to do what I know I need?

When I get out of balance - mostly because my schedule is too full of work and too little sabbath - I know it. When I get out of balance I begin to resent the time I spend with work, I begin to resent the Church, I sometimes even begin to resent God's call in my life. None of this is healthy. I know it, God knows it, and yet from time to time I find myself caught in an unending treadmill of work.

I imagine it's not much different for you if you work in industry, education, health care, or any other field. We often think that the things that tempt us are awful things and we'll recognize them coming a mile away. Remember - the object that tempted the first humans was a juicy, delicious piece of fruit. The things that often tempt us are appealing - who would say that tending to the spiritual needs of people or being a strong leader for the church is a bad thing? Some might even say that sacrificing your own needs is a noble thing.

Except.....God said, "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy." (Exodus 20.8). The problem is that we forget the Sabbath day and then we profane this day that God has set aside for our benefit and to God's glory. Marva Dawn in her book Keeping the Sabbath Holy, writes of how the Sabbath day is there for us to 'cease and desist' not just from our work but also from all those things in our life that we pursue out of a need to be productive and in control of our lives. She writes, that in remembering the Sabbath and keeping it holy, "we will recognize the great healing that can take place in our lives when we get into the rhythm of setting aside every seventh day all of our efforts to provide for ourselves and make our way in the world. A great benefit of Sabbath keeping is that we learn to let God take care of us -- not by becoming passive and lazy, but in the freedom of giving up our feeble attempts to be God in our own lives."


Yearning for rhythm and balance - I truly believe my yearning for rhythm and balance is God's prevenient grace at work in my heart, calling me to remember Sabbath and keep it holy. God's prevenient grace reminding me that I need Sabbath and God's Spirit stirs mine to yearning. Here's a poem I found on line, written by John David Walt. Read it and consider what it means in your life:

Rest in Rest

Holy Leisure

Airtight Time

Sabbath

Creation slowing

Eyes open

Ears hearing

Sabbath

Sacred rhythms

guiltless feasting

Heaven hugging

Sabbath

Nothing doing

Nowhere going

Work unknowing

Sabbath

By God's Grace,

Michelle

Liberating Grace

Our Bishop, Tom Bickerton, is spending time on each of the districts in our Annual Conference. He was with us on the Erie-Meadville District this past Thursday. In general, he spoke about doing those things as a church that will choose life rather than death. One of the things he said pierced my heart. It pierced my heart, because it was a reminder that I needed.

As our Bishop spoke of the church, he said something to this effect: It's not about you. Clergy come and clergy go. Laity come and laity go. The church lives on. The church has been here for thousands of years and will be here long after we come and go.

Those words moved me to tears, because they were very liberating words. For any of us who are conscientious about ministry - for any of us who care about the ministries we are engaged in - for any of us who are concerned about the health of the church --- the truth is that we work very hard so that things go well in the church. Because we care so much and work so hard, we can get to a point where we think it's all up to us; then we work harder and harder thinking that if we make one little mistake, the whole thing comes down like a house of cards -- or -- we think that if we don't do it, it won't get done or done well.

The truth is that we ought to do our best and work hard at what we do - but it's not about us. We serve and are members of our churches, but they are NOT our churches. They are God's churches, and since God is always in control, we can relax a little from our labors from time to time. Since God is always in control, that means that we can freely take time to rest, time to play, time to sleep, time to enjoy the fullness of this life that God has graced us with.

With that in mind, I spent a lot more time with my family this weekend and doing some things that simply needed done in our home. Today, for instance, I spent some time weeding out the garden area in the backyard of the parsonage today. Since we moved here in July, a little late for planting season, we've not done much with the area. We haven't done much -- but that hasn't stopped things from happening -- weeds! Lots of them and in 3 months, they've gotten pretty big.

Well, today I plunged in -- in an hour or so I cleared out about 3/4 of the weeds. It's very therapeutic to r-i-p weeds out by the roots (especially if you're frustrated!). At the end of my efforts, something was accomplished. It reminded me of why I need to keep my hobbies of sewing, quilting and needlework going - my efforts achieve measurable results in a fairly reasonable time period.

I know I'm not receiving enough Sabbath rest when I lay my head on the pillow at night with the work of the church on my mind and when I wake up the next morning, my first thought are all the things I need to do that day --- that's been happening a lot lately.

This weekend I made a deliberate effort to turn it all off and not think about all the things of the church. It's very liberating to know it's not all about me -- it's about God. God's grace at work in a "garden" full of weeds - a place where I was able to vent my frustrations, accomplish a much needed task and shut off my brain from thinking about all the "to-do" lists. So tonight I'll lay my head on the pillow, ready for rest and know that God is taking care of the church.

By God's Grace,
Michelle

Humble Pie

We preachers need to listen more to our own words. I've always preached the importance of self care. If we who care for the needs of others, do not care for our own needs, we will not be able to care well for anyone. I've always tried to teach others the importance of self care - that it's not selfish to put time for ourselves on our "to do" list.

This past week was "one of those weeks." Some of the week was made of those out of the ordinary things - that happens sometimes in ministry. But for the most part, the things scheduled into my week were of my own doing. Good things - connectional, relational things - things that were part of my effort to build relationship with the people of Christ Church and the community -- in addition to the usual things I do every week in ministry - sermon prep, Bible study, visitation, counseling, staff meetings, etc.

I guess it started 2 weeks ago, when I had my first wedding in Christ Church. What that means is that between September 16 and September 29, I did not have a day off. Fourteen days with no real "down time." I had a little last Sunday when my husband Steve insisted that we go to Chautauqua Institution for the quilt show and he whisked me away after church. But let's face it - Sunday for preachers is NOT a day off, nor our sabbath rest time.

Yesterday was my first real day off in 2 full weeks. Yesterday, I arranged to meet our daughter during her lunch break from work so that we could have lunch together - just the two of us. As I was driving there, I passed Niagara Village Senior Community Center on Zuck Road and it hit me. I had forgotten to go there Thursday at 4 p.m. to lead the worship service that I had agreed to lead. My heart dropped - I felt terrible. How could I have forgotten? It was on my calendar - I was simply on overload and when I came home from hospital visits it never entered my mind to go there. I'll need to call and apologize, and I'm sure they'll understand, but I HATE to miss something - it feels like failure. And, I'll have to eat a little humble pie, because I've been teasing a staff member about missing a meeting earlier this month, even though it was in their planner.

Now, I know the truth - I'm only human and it was one of those things. I know God forgives me and the staff at Niagara Village will most likely forgive me, too. But the question now remains - will I be able to forgive myself?

As followers of Christ, we know our sins are forgiven and most of us try to obey what Jesus taught - to forgive others as we have been forgiven. Why is it we find that we have the hardest time forgiving ourselves? Why is it that we fail to realize that God wants us to forgive ourselves as God has forgiven us - completely and freely. Why do we find it so hard to include ourselves in that list of those whom we need to forgive?

This little incident reminds me that I ought to "practice what I preach." So today I enjoyed a lot more free time. There were things I "should" have been doing - work for the church that I know needs done and that I don't want to get too far behind on. But instead, today I spent some time unpacking some more boxes and settling into our new home - things I'd been putting off because I have been "too busy" for that - and a little resentful that the time's not been there. I took a deep breath and relaxed a bit today. And I took a look at my calendar - a long, hard look and scheduled spaces where there's some "me" time -- some time when I set aside all the things I have "to do" and find spaces where I can just be, in order to refresh my mind, body and spirit.

So, if you know someone who's not taking care of themselves - don't be afraid to "butt in" and remind them that God wants them to care for themselves as well as they care for others. Don't think you'll be butting into their business if you remind them to take some time for themselves -- those of us who need it, will welcome the reminder.

By God's Grace,
Michelle

The Least, The Last, The Lost

What a busy week this has been! (haven't I sung that tune before on this blog?) It was busy with some "extra" things. One of the extra things was a tour of the Erie United Methodist Alliance for new pastor's in the Erie-Meadville District.

I've heard of the "Erie Alliance" for at least a dozen years. If you had asked me what they did before Tuesday of this past week, I would've said, "They help the poor." And the truth is that they do help the poor, but that's too broad a statement for the ministries in which our Erie U.M. Alliance is engaged.

They help a variety of categories of people who happen to be poor and in a variety of ways. They help homeless veterans at Liberty House. We met and toured Liberty House with Devin, the supervisor of the house. In the paraphrased words of Devin, "These men need help with clothes, food, housing and jobs, but more than anything they need to be made whole from the inside out. That's God's work and we're here to help that happen. God is in this thing."

Another category of people are the underemployed, or the working poor. Those who have a job or jobs, but work at such a low rate of pay, they can't provide like they need or want to for their families. They provide temporary housing and emergency shelter for families. In fact, The Refuge is the only emergency shelter in Erie County who will allow single fathers with children to remain together - other shelters make the fathers separate from their children, even if the father is the only parent to care for them.

There is work with those who are homeless and living on the streets. The stories of God's grace at work through the labors of the Erie U.M. Alliance to help bring wholeness into the lives of the homeless and the poor brought me to tears. The point is - by God's grace and the willingness of people to engage with those whom the world would throw away means that lives are being changed.

I'm always fascinated that when things keep coming at me in various ways. My visit to the ministries of the Erie U.M. Alliance coincides with a website our pastoral assistant Roger pointed out to me. A website by a local business owner here in Erie. One of his blog entries is his concern with those who loiter around their building "up to no good, urinating on our building and in Griswold Park, attempting to rummage through the cars in our parking lots, etc." The picture he shows may be homeless men or perhaps just those who are unemployed. The blog asks for help for this problem.

I understand his dilemma, I really do. I do not think anyone should be allowed to break the law by being "up to no good," urinating in public, or rummaging in cars not their own." I understand that the view is probably not good for business. I guess my concern is not his cry for help, rather the comments of response to his blog. The responses include sarcasm, blame of the persons and the government for "allowing people not to work and get free benefits," and suggestions like "move out the free meals for parasites and problems like this will leave with them." One entry gives a few suggestions and the results, one of which is "you would not have to look at these people during your day."

Not having to "look at these people" would certainly make our lives easier. I don't offer any easy solution - because there are none. And the feeding programs in the city and providing temporary housing does not solve all real problems in people's lives. And the truth is that there are a portion of people who are homeless who do not want help -- or those who are underemployed are in family cycle of dependence on agency help.

I guess what troubles me most about the negative posts that I read was the quick tendency to not see these people as children of God. The blame and judgmental tone of some of the posts was troubling because there was no ability or willingness to see Jesus in these people.

I remember a story our son Craig told us about a man who lives in Oakland - Craig met him while in college a few years ago. I've forgotten his name, but he can always be seen on the streets of Oakland in front of the stores with a cup held out for donations. He's not homeless - he lives in an apartment, which I'm sure is substandard housing. He has no job, although it appears he can work. For whatever reason(s) this man has learned to make his living on the hand-outs of others.

Craig told us that every time he passed him, he would offer to take him for a meal, and talked with him a while. When Craig told us this, my motherly response was, "You do what? Is that safe?" I admit, not a very Christ-like response, but in all honesty, a concerned mother's response. Craig said to me, "Mom, he's not dangerous. And I wouldn't give him money because I'm pretty sure he'd get drunk on it. So I give him a meal - that way I know he gets to eat."

It's not easy to look upon those who are unclean, unkempt and maybe some who are a little unsavory. And there's some truth that there are those who don't want help or have become co-dependent on social agencies or the church. But we'll never have the opportunity to be a part of God's transformational power if we ignore them or push them out of the area so we don't have to look at them.

In our annual conference, we are struggling to deal with poverty. The Poverty Strategy Team, formed as part of our Believe Again! Plan for Ministry, has scheduled 3 Poverty Simulations in Western PA. The first will be Nov. 4 from 3-6 p.m. at South Avenue UMC in Wilkinsburg. The simulations are 2 hours long, followed by a talk-back session, a light meal and a brief worship. There are 2 other simulations planned - March 1, 2008 in Meadville and April 13, 2008 in Indiana. You can read more about the project here: http://www.wpaumc-files.org/Interlink%20Archives/2007-09-28interlink.pdf

Oh, and by the way - God's grace is longing to change those whose hearts are hardened and those who sound judgmental and harsh - let's not write them off, either!

By God's Grace,
Michelle